October 2020

October 30, 2020 07:40

底辺に落ちたら、
あとは這い上がるしかない。

Once you hit the bottom,
All you have to do is to stay there, or, climb up from there.

Step by step. Crawling.

2020/10/30 7:39am


October 06, 2020 17:00

What for?


What for did I work so hard for this 12 years?

What for did I study so hard since elementary school to university?

What for did I work so hard, even on weekends, every day until midnight?

What for did I talk to my direct boss, my second direct boss, and my third direct boss, that I am facing health condition because of my work allocation so that they need to change it for me to keep my health and keep me working for them, but they did not do anything?

Why did he power-harassed me, so hard, in front of so many people, who is still suffering and struggling from sickness?

Why did my company’s HR hide the fact that my boss power-harassed me, even they DID hear the voice from my colleague that my boss power-harassed me?

Industrial physician admitted that, the voice from my colleague, about my boss power-harassing me, was strong enough for the company to admit that my boss did power harassment to me, but they denied it —— “that’s dystopia”, he said it, with some disappointments and surprises.
He said, “I’m the one who is standing in between employee and the company, so I should probably not tell this, but, if I were your family, I would say, “please do not go back to the company. It only makes you sicker, and more terrible things could happen to you. The battle with them would be nothing but nonsense.”

What for, did I work so hard, did I study so hard, did I work so hard until midnight, even on weekends, to devote myself for the company? But why can they abandon me so easily?
The reason I became sick was because of them, and I warned them, in face, so many times. But they kept on ignoring the problem and told me that I was “not efficient enough” to accomplish the work.

Why do I have to suffer so much that I am loosing my energy and curiosity toward my life?
Why is it so hard to keep me get out of my bed every morning?
Why, this guy, who has nothing but curiosity toward the life, has to loose the curiosity and loose hope to live?

Can one company treat one person like that?
Maybe they can, because they have 60,000 employees in world wide, and I’m just one of them. If one soldier get hurt, just discard him in the battle field and let him die in the field. Don’t care about it. Sacrifice comes first for their only good.

Is that how they do business?
If so, this company will not last long.


2020-Oct, 06th, 16:53


PS.

I’m so hurt.
I’m so hurt.
I am, so hurt.
I’m in pain.
I’m in so much pain.
This pain has been here for such a long time.
I don’t know when this hopelessness will end.
I don’t know how much I cried in my heart, and literally from my eyes.

It is so hard, that I have to face this fact.
What happened to me?
I’ve been asking myself.
What have happened to me?
Do they know how people feel when they are hurt?
Do they know how much it is hard to get ignored even though one has been raising his/her voice for such a long time, so many times?
Do you know how you feel when you know that it is hopeless to ask for a help, but they don’t give you a hand, or actually, they tell you that you are not strong enough?

Do you know how much I get hurt after joining this company?
I never felt this lonely in my life, by being something’s part.
Do they know the word, “kindness”?

Will I ever get better?

I don’t know how long this tunnel last.

Will I ever see the light again?


2020/10/6 16:28


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